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BE CONSISTENT
The moral messages you
send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values
not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will
judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything
you
say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence,
either reinforces
or undermines the credibility of your messages about the
importance of good character.
Over and over, use the specific language of the
core virtues — trustworthiness, respect, responsibility,
fairness, caring, and citizenship — and be as firm
and consistent as you
can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing
these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed, or under pressure
is when you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the
most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough
choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.
BE CONCRETE
Messages about good
attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct, and
specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking,
it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about
character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on
and discuss things their friends
and teachers have done in terms of the Six
Pillars of Character.
BE CREATIVE
Effective character
development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child
in
real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility
through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and
role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad
examples from TV, movies, and the news.
Teach
Enforce Advocate
Model
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Teach
Tell
children that their character counts — that their
success and happiness will depend on whom they are
inside, not what they have or how they look. Tell them
that people of character know the difference between
right and wrong because they guide their thoughts and
actions by six basic rules of living (the “Six Pillars
of Character”): trustworthiness, respect,
responsibility, fairness, caring, and good citizenship.
Explain
the meaning of these words. Use examples from your
own life, history, and the news. |
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Enforce
Instill
the “Six Pillars of Character” by rewarding good
behavior (usually, praise is enough) and by discouraging
all instances of bad behavior by imposing (or, in some
cases, allowing others to impose) fair, consistent
consequences that prove you are serious about character.
Demonstrate courage and firmness of will by enforcing
the core values when it is difficult or costly to do so.
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Advocate
Continuously
encourage children to live up to the “Six Pillars of
Character” in all their thoughts and actions. Be an
advocate for character. Don’t be neutral about the
importance of character nor casual about improper
conduct. Be clear and uncompromising that you want and
expect your children to be trustworthy, respectful,
responsible, fair, caring, and good citizens.
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